By Greg Primm
We don’t say, “I’m genetically pre-disposed to mild depression,” or “I haven’t exercised in a while and I spend a lot of time watching TV,” instead, we say, “I’m disappointed because I don’t make enough money and my boss is mean to me.” And yet, someone in the very same circumstances seems much happier than we are. And somehow, nothing ever happens in our career that makes everything all right forever.
The external world is remarkably consistent, and yet we blame it for what’s going on inside of us. People who think the world is going to end always manage to find a new thing that’s going to cause it to end. People itching to be bummed out all day long will certainly find an external event that give their emotion some causal cover. The thinking happens long before the event that we blame the thinking on.
It’s happened to us all. We’re in a bad mood because: well, we’re just in a bad mood. And we find something, anything to blame for it. It can get pretty comical at times. Early in our marriage, my wife and I got into a “discussion” about how towels should be folded. I thought they should be folded a certain way cause that’s how it was done in my house growing up, and she thought I was crazy. I insisted that it should be done my way cause “that’s just the way it’s done.” It got a little heated, towels were thrown across the room. It wasn’t pretty.
Reality? I was upset about something else, I can’t even remember. I was commuting one hour each way to work at the time, traveling quite a bit, not seeing my wife much. There was any number of reasons for me to be upset. Rather than deal with the issue, I looked for any outlet for my frustration.
That story has become one of the funny stories we reminisce about from the “good old days”. We’ve been married for 13 years, and unfortunately I have a lot of those types of stories to tell.
We all do.
We blame the external for something that is going on inside of us. It’s easy to do and there are always lots of targets. Spouses. Kids. Co-workers. Family. The dog. Even inanimate objects like the TV will do.
At best, we have some goofy stories to tell. Most likely though, the issues that caused the problem are still there and we’ve left a wake of relational detruction behind us. Not Good!
So here’s the challenge: tomorrow (cause it will happen tomorrow) when you feel yourself starting to transfer the internal to the external, STOP and think it through. You may just save yourself an argument or better yet, a relationship.
Photo credit: clappstar
