by The Howitzer
Last night I watched a great movie with my wife. Nobody got killed except a lobster and the main characters were actresses whose range of emotions (and talent for that matter) was much broader than the typical shoot-em-up-testosterone-laden-superheroes that I also enjoy watching. But, there is something to be said for a movie that makes you laugh, makes you cry and generally connect to your human side. Men, whether we want to admit it or not we must understand that we are not only Conquers but we are also Created Beings who have real emotions that should be expressed without fear of being thought of as weak. Why is it that something catastrophic must occur before it is ok to show our emotional side. Nobody laughs at a guy who weeps beside his wife at the casket of a loved one, but to cry sitting next to your spouse in a good movie would definitely bring the consternation of all your buddies. (Now I didn’t cry last night but I could have).
A few years ago, I went with my wife and about a half-dozen of her friends to watch the movie Stepmother. In typical male fashion, instead of connecting with the movie and what was going on there, I spent most of the movie making fun of the girls who were laughing and crying and having a great time. I can still mentally picture a scene that was particularly intense and as I scanned the row of girls, they were all balling. It looked like Niagara Falls. In fact, there was not a dry eye in the place except for me who would not really watch the movie intensely because it might evoke an embarrassing emotion. Even though I teased them thoroughly I think I gained a huge respect for women on that day. You see these gals were authentic. They were watching the same movie as me but I was unwilling to allow my emotions to well up. They had learned to laugh with those who laugh and cry with those who cry. Not laugh at those who cry!
The only emotion that men are allowed to express (at least in public) is anger, which is ridiculous. What ever happened to joy, sadness, acceptance, disgust, fear, surprise, anticipation as well as anger.* As men we feel optimism and disappointment. We feel love and remorse. We experience submission and contempt. We can understand both awe and aggressiveness.* Humans are emotional beings and to be completely human we must embrace and express our God-given emotions. I am intrigued by the list of emotions that are listed in the chart below. It seems we are a little more complex than we men might want to admit.
My point is this: for a man to be a manly man, he must be able to be authentic with his emotions. There is nothing wrong with feeling deeply about the things you care about. Passion is a good thing. Our sons and daughters look to us to see how they should deal with their emotions (for that matter so do our friends and family). We can’t take our cues from the Malboro Man and stuff them deep within the crevices of our subconscious if we are going to be Real Men. Maybe real men don’t eat quiche, but they are honest with themselves about how they feel.
Guys if you are looking for a practical way to apply this post take your gal to a girl friendly restaurant (we went to Mimi’s), take her to see Julie and Julia (buy her the cookbook if you think she would like it) and just watch the movie. Let yourself just enjoy a great chick flick and take it like a man. An emotional man!
*list derived from Robert Plutchik created a wheel of emotions in 1980 which consisted of 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones.[1]
