The Tough Work of Building a Community

By Greg Primm

We all have numerous communities that we live in — groups of people that we spend time with, that we identify with.  Family, neighborhood, work, church, soccer team, the gym.  Once you are in a community, truly in, it can add so much to your life.  True communities foster encouragement, support, love, and commitment to a common cause.

Lately, I’ve been involved in several new communities.  New bible study group; new group of Tuesday morning breakfast guys; new project team at work.  Joining a new community of people is tough.  You don’t know how to act because the rules have already been set long before you joined, or the rules are being made up as you go.  ”Is this guy going to whack me if I give him a hard time about something?”  ”How much information should I share with this new bible study group?”

What I’ve learned as I joined these new communities that while its fun to meet new, interesting people — it’s hard.  It’s not automatic.   I might break the unwritten rules of the group and not be accepted.

And then what?  I have to find another community that’s a better fit.

I think that’s why this passage from John Eldredge impacts me.

A true community is something you will have to fight for. You’ll have to fight to get one, and you’ll have to fight to keep it afloat. But you fight for it like you bail out a life raft during a storm at sea. You want this thing to work. You need this thing to work. You can’t ditch it and jump back on the cruise ship. This is the church; this is all you have. Without it, you’ll go down. Or back to prison.

Suddenly all those “one another’s” in Scripture make sense. Love one another. Bear one another’s burdens. Forgive one another. Acts of kindness become deeply meaningful because we know we are at war. Knowing full well that we are all facing battles of our own, we give one another the benefit of the doubt. Leigh isn’t intentionally being distant from me – she’s probably under an assault. That’s why you must know each other’s stories, know how to “read” one another. A word of encouragement can heal a wound; a choice to forgive can destroy a stronghold. You never knew your simple acts were so weighty. Its what we’ve come to call “lifestyle warfare.”

We check in regularly with one another, not out of paranoia (“Do you still like me?”), but in order to watch over each other’s hearts. “How are you doing?” But be careful about what you are looking for from community. For if you bring your every need to it, it will collapse. Community is no substitute for God. I left our annual camping trip absolutely exhausted and disappointed. As we drove home, I realized it was because I was looking to them to validate me, appreciate me, fill this aching void in my heart. Only once in ten days did I take time to be away with God, alone. I was too busy trying to get my needs met through them. Which is why community cannot live without solitude.

(John Eldredge – Waking the Dead, 199, 200 )

He’s right.  We have to fight for our community.  Not because we like it.  Not because it’s fun.  Because, without community, we’re not living the life we were intended to live.  We were made to share our lives with others.  And sharing means giving something up that is important to us.  And that requires taking a risk.  Taking that risk means we might fail.  It also means we might be successful beyond out wildest dreams — to be a part of a community that gets it, that makes a difference in the lives of the community and in the lives of those outside the community.

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message)

Photo credit:  Mattox