Ego: It’s Not Worth It!

By Trey Smith

If there is one thing I know about us “guys” it’s that we are guided by ego more than we like to admit and probably more than we are even aware of. As I ponder that statement it strikes me as somewhat peculiar because for those of us who have even a novice understanding of scripture know that ego was at the heart of the original sin of Adam and Eve. Nevertheless I am convinced that we are somewhat blind to our consistent egotistical behavior. One of the most common manifestations of this disease as I observe the landscape of the American male is in our resistance to connect at a transparent level.

I am reminded of countless occurrences on the elementary school yard and within the walls of high school that were nothing more than young men striving as hard as they could to project an image that though not genuine it was certainly their best shot coming of as cool, respectable, confident or successful. After all, as a young man what really matters is the image that other guys have of you. Funny, in many ways we are all still those same boys walking around in adult bodies ever participating in venues created to cultivate our faith and maturity yet refusing to be real and honest about who we are and what we truly wrestle with. I see it constantly. Christian men interacting with other people of faith but never truly opening the door to their heart and revealing their unique battles with sin and certainly never giving another trusted friend a license to challenge or bring accountability to their life.

Why is this? Pretty simple really (at least it is with me)…ego. Ego is not only self-promotion but also self-preservation. I know for some this kind of assertion is too simple or shortsighted or maybe too harsh, but it seems to me that any diagnosis one may offer is rooted in self-preservation. We are afraid of letting our guard down. Plain and simple. Who wants to come off as weak? Nobody! It’s human nature.

Here’s the really bad news. The result of this kind of life is being surrounded by friends yet being known by no one. No one. Consider this: Who knows your deepest fears? The things you avoid because you have no confidence in that particular setting? Who knows the 1 or 2 sin habits that are most difficult for you to defeat? Does anyone beside you and God know the thing that frustrates you most about your marriage?

More bad news. This is the worst news. The longer a man lives this way the less chance he has of actually addressing issues that need attention. The natural outcome is yet another man punching the clock of life day after day getting older but never getting better. What a waste. Imagine living to be 75 years old and never maturing in your walk with God more that 3 or 4 years because it was too scary to let others into the core of your soul and help you with your shit. Ego is a dangerous thing.

Over the years I have had the privilege of experiencing deep and trust-filled friendships with other men. In every case the depth was always preceded by the “get to know one another” stage. It always takes time but is always worth it. My story is this: I’m not able. I’m not able on my own to pursue the life God calls us to. I need other men. Men who aren’t afraid to ask personal questions about my private life. Men who give me that same right regarding their life. These are relationships that sharpen me and I thank God for them!

At the heart of the gospel is the grace of God. Most of us who claim Christ would certainly agree. Consider this; If I’m not willing to cultivate an authentic sharpening relationship with at least one man am I really a believer that the gospel is about grace?!? If I’m living life on my own, I’m telling the world I don’t need any more grace because my life is completely fixed. (Do any of us really believe that?) You and I have plenty to improve on and many times God extends His grace to us embodied in a friend.

I feel confident that ego will be a life long foe of mine. My desperate prayer is that God will remind me to exercise humility. The kind of humility that allows me to be transparent with other men. Men who will challenge and sharpen me so that I may continue to get better until my very last day!

Photo by roland