by The Howitzer

I’m not ready to make nice/I’m not ready to back down/I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have time to go round and round and round/It’s too late to make it right/I probably wouldn’t if I could/’Cause I’m mad as hell/Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should- Dixie Chicks

This morning, I ran across a verse in the Bible that got me hopping mad (again). The content of the passage is about laying aside all malice, guile, hypocrisy, envy and slander. As I thought about whether I was guilty of any of those, I was reminded (again) of a situation that I am still mad about. It doesn’t matter what my specific situation is, the thing that perplexes me is WHY CAN’T I JUST LET IT GO??? My specific issue happened almost 10 years ago and even though I may say that I am over it, the truth is I am still mad as hell about how everything turned out. I deserved better than what I got.

Sound familiar? Why is it that the things that wound us deeply never seem to go away? My wound was professional in nature. But, we all struggle with wounds. Wounds from our relationships. Wounds from abusive situations. Wounds of the emotions. Wounds of the heart. Wounds of the ego. Financial wounds. Wounds from the workplace. Wounds from the playground. Some things are so important to us that it crushes our spirit and leaves permanent scar tissue on our hearts. Some things are so egregious to us that if feels as if our soul has been raped and left for dead.

What in the world are we to do in a situation like that? I don’t know about you but I have a hard time working my way through this. The only answer I can come up with may sound trite but I think it is the key. The only way to work though the big stuff is to forgive. Notice I didn’t say forgets. I think it is the concept of “forgive and forget” that trips me up. I may be able to forgive but unlike God I don’t have a sea of forgetfulness that I can cast my hurts into. All it takes to transport me back is a single word or in this case a single verse that triggers my emotional attachment to an issue that I wish would just go away. As much as I may try, the closest I can get to forgetfulness is temporary distraction. I may move my pain to my subconscious for months or even years on end, but inevitably I will have it thrust back in my face at some point. And to be honest, some issues surprise me as to their staying power in my life.

I am reminded of Jesus’ poignant comment on the cross related to the emotional pain He was experiencing. He said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” What a request! Father, will you grant forgiveness to the perpetrators of my pain. Give them a break Lord. I like what the psalmist says better, “smash their teeth Lord.” Intercessory prayer on behalf of your enemies is a step in the right direction of personally granting them forgiveness (even if they never ask for it themselves). If we are unwilling to pray for our enemies, we will never be able to forgive them and move on.

Probably, the biggest aid in granting forgiveness it to focus on how God has forgiven you. The story of the woman caught in adultery is a classic illustration of that. You remember the scene I am sure. The religious leaders bring a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus to get him to ‘OK’ a good old fashion stoning (interesting how the guy got away, but we will save that for another day). Jesus’ response is very challenging. He says, “Go ahead and stone her, and let the first stone be thrown by the one without sin.” Talk about a party pooper. Is He really saying, don’t punish your foes because you too are a sinner and guilty enough not to deserve extract judgment on their sin? When He says to forgive as God has forgiven you does that apply to the wounder of our souls?

Personally, I am tired of my past controlling my present. It frustrates me that I can be minding my own business when memories come back and remind me that issues are not completely resolved. And even more frustrating is that they may not ever resolve. But, for now I will pray for those hurt me and put the stones back into my pocket and focus on God’s forgiveness of my sin. God knows how gracious He has been with me. I guess I can cut some slack. Am I still mad? Yeah probably. Will I work through it in this life? Probably not completely. Can I make peace with my past? You betcha! They say that time heals. I like to think that God heals over time.

Photo mysi anne